Saturday, April 23, 2016

Day 25: Starry Eyes (2014) 1h 38min

In my personal Netflix browsing I passed this movie a bunch.  I probably could have kept living my life passing it... for the rest of my life... until I died..

Starry Eyes revolves around the life of Sarah and her willingness to do anything to be an actress... including blowing a weird old white guy while cult members stand around and watch.  I'm getting ahead of myself though.  So Sarah is a mediocre actress that has a day job at what I thought was a Hooters rip off but was really just a weird family version of Hooters revolving around potatoes and potatoes accessories.

Sarah is prone to some terrible fits when she sucks at life.  She will scream and pull her hair.  At one particular audition she blows it as usual and then the freaks out in the bathroom.  One of the people that gave her the audition catches her and has her do it again in front of the other producer person guy (whom I know from the Devil's Carnival films and an Emilie Autumn video).

Sarah gets a callback where they have her strip in the dark and take random flash pictures of her.  Apparently this is a throwback to an actual audition David Lynch had someone do, or so IMDB tells me.  Eventually Sarah gets another call back which is to blow the old white guy but she bails.  Her hipster friends/not friends feel bad her for and whatever.  They all kind of suck and remind me of half of the faux artists that exist in New Orleans (even though this is L.A.  Every city has them.).

So after taking what I assume is exstacy she makes up her mind to suck that guy off.  The entire process is creepy as he's talking about her being buried in the earth and being reborn with them in the stars.  It's the worst pillow talk.  If I was gonna blow an old white guy and he said that kind of stuff to me I'd leave based on that.  Stardom be damned!  Gramps is talkin' crazy with his dick out!

Immediately after she begins to get really sick and kind of lose her mind.  These scenes are super nasty where she does stuff like pull a nail off and vomits worms.  Eventually she just loses her shit and kills all of her hipster crew at which point the people in robes instantly appear and there is some ritual of old white people in the Hollywood Hills.  She is literally reborn out of the earth and bald as fuck.  Also she might be some sort of reborn deity?  She kills her roommate, puts on a wig and some sexy clothes that were left as a "birthday present" from the cult, and that's it.

Like previous films I've blogged about, this movie could have been much shorter.  It also could have a lot of the friends shit cut.  It wasn't bad in the sense of "this movie is terrible," it was just bad in the sense of "this isn't keeping my interest."  Seriously, I was reading a small self-published book about a 70 year old hiking the Appalachian Trail while watching this.

I give Starry Eyes 1 Leviathan cross/sulfur symbol out of 5:

No comments:

Post a Comment