Monday, June 6, 2016

Day 4: Here Comes the Devil (Ahí va el Diablo) (2012) 1h 37m

Returning back to our continent and our neighbors to the south, Here Comes the Devil is a Mexican horror film in which I couldn't give two shits about after watching this.  The pacing was slow and added nothing of suspense to it.  The story was boring as hell.  The acting was fine in it, so I can't fault anyone there.  However, rather than my usual "I'll explain this film so you don't have to watch it," tactic I take with bad films, I'm just going to type up my notes for it so you can hopefully create a better film in your head.  Some of this would make good book titles.  Here we go!

Instant lesbians!
Naked whaaa?
Is this gonna be weird incest?
Did the devil bang her?
Is that the Mexican Captain Spalding?
You can't be a badass w/a filet knife
That's not the same knife
That's not how throats work
Wait. WTF was the point of that lesbian scene?!
If "Lucio" is lucifer, fuck this shit
I wish this woman had a sweet mustache too
Ewww weird satanic incest
Wait, real kids are dead
Party clothes? Church trap?
Did she fart on the fake child?!
Ah, fuck this movie!
Satan can't drive for shit!
Why grindcore now?!

The end.  I don't know why a movie with almost no music aside from atmosphere instrumentation suddenly had fucking metal growling over the credits.  I guess they figured they dropped the Satan ball on the 1-yard line and needed to pick it up somehow to score.

Here Comes the Devil gets 0 devil lotería cards out of 5:

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