Wednesday, August 31, 2016

Day 4: Cam2Cam (2014) 1h 31m

If this film had balls I would fucking punt them sooooo hard just because I wouldn't want it to spawn any offspring.  Having that image firmly planted in your mind, know that this wasn't the worst film I've ever seen.  I just disliked it so much that I want to cause permanent bodily damage to it in order to preserve hope for our future.

Here's the rundown: An American girl, in Bangkok, thinks she's having webcam hanky panky with another female friend.  She realizes that something is up and then the person on the other end comes to her place, kills her, and cuts off her head.  Enter her sister coming to basically find her sister's head and what happened to her.  There's a series of bullshit and fake murder that leads her to find out that a group of people in the same apartment building as her sister.  They were doing some webcam hack/scam type deal and one of them took it too far and became a serial killer.  This guy gets killed half way through the damn movie by jumping in front of a truck.  The rest is just the lame unraveling of what happened, who was involved, and a bunch of severed lady heads underwater.  It's not worth explaining the actually workings of this plot or film.

The director of this film has some terrible back credits.  It's mostly sequels of sequels of horror movies past their prime.  In fact, the only thing he did I give a shit about was being a producer on Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.  Back to this bogus shit stain though, there is an over abundance of forced lesbianism in this film and it feels injected into the story.  It has the sense of "we're an independent film and this is artsy" pretentiousness to it.  Also, the chat language in this was absolute bullshit.  Nobdy typs lke this 4 n ntre cnvrsatn.  It's old people trying to be hip on what the kids do, even though these people are in their 20's and probably type like normal adults.

I felt like I was being dragged through this entire film.  The only smart line of dialogue was the one guy telling the sister "you traveled across the fucking planet for a head," which is true.  She's an idiot and your closure is bullshit.  Although, she got a box at the end of the film that I'm pretty sure was her sister's fish gnawed skull.  Fuck it.

I give Cam2Cam zero.  It doesn't even warrant me finding some image and making a rating scale for it.  It just gets a fucking zero.

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