Sunday, August 20, 2017

Amnesiac (2014) 1h 30m

What the fuck even is Wes Bentley's stubble?  It's like some bizarre magical facial hair that is always the same length no matter the passage of time in every single thing he is in.  Then he looks the same in person.  How?!  WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR SECRET?!  IS THIS THE TRUE HORROR?!

This plot is boring.  There's a car crash and a woman keeps saying that Wes Bentley is her husband and he has amnesia from it.  The woman is all kinds of Misery crazy times ten with a weird torture basement.  Wes Bentley discovers this and then it's just a mess from then on.  All she wants is to have his baby.  A lot of us want to have Wes Bentley's baby, girl.  There is a surprise ending reveal, but I was too deep in the "I don't care" end of the pool by that point.

The bulk of this movie is just whispering and Wes Bently being slightly banged-up eye candy.  Also, there is the laziest fucking cop ever.  All he does is sit in his office, answer the phone, and give fucking sass.  I'm unsure if this is just some sort of weird present time and these people just have an absurd hipster love of the 30's thru the 50's or if this is actually meant to be set somewhere in that time frame.  I spent more time looking up the Summer Slam tag on Twitter than really paying attention to this whisper fest.  The crazy woman does cauterize her own knife would with one of those old ass soldiering guns.  There's burnt skin stuck to it and it's almost vomit inducing.

I give Amnesiac 1 set of lobotomy tools out of 5 just for how crazy this woman is:

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