Tuesday, August 22, 2017

Cabin Fever: Patient Zero (a.k.a. Cabin Fever 3: Patient Zero) (2014) 1h 31m

If you would've asked me (before I looked up the answer) if I thought this was another movie that just happened to have the Cabin Fever name slapped on it (as most of the later Hellraiser movies have been) then I would've said yes.  The truth of the matter is that this is a cannon part of the franchise and also meant to be a prequel.

Cabin Fever: Patient Zero is set on a remote island off of some Spanish speaking nation.  I assume it's Mexico because we're treated to a group of bachelor party jag bags that hire a boat to take them to this remote island.  Unknown to them the island is a research facility that's holding Sean Astin until he agrees to make Goonies 2: Electric Boogaloo.

Sean Astin is actually the typhoid Mary of this situation in that he carries the virus that causes you to turn into a fleshless mess.  The party people get into the facility after two of the people are infected and shit is an absolute mess from there.

This movie was bad.  Just that.  A simple four sentence description, or I can do it in one. CRAP!  There were two good parts to this whole film, and one of them happens during the credit sequence.  At that point we're shown in reverse how Mr. Astin infected the facility using a mouse covered in his blood.  That was legitimately well done.  the other is when an infected man with a gun tries to shoot one of our party people and the recoil from the gun snaps his hand off at the wrist and the combo shoots straight into his skull.  Otherwise, nothing new.  Also, the original Cabin Fever was just a dead vagrant in the water supply.  I don't remember it being any sort of weird zombie virus, unless I missed that part somehow.

I give Cabin Fever: Patient Zero 0 copies of The Hobbit out of 5:

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