Sunday, October 29, 2017

Tremors 5: Bloodlines (2015) 1h 39m

You know what's delicious? Bacon.  You know who was in the original Tremors?  Kevin Bacon.  You know what Kevin Bacon is doing right now?  NOT FUCKING MAKING TREMORS SEQUELS!

Tremors 5 is a hot fucking mess.  The original Tremors came out in 1990 so the fact that this release is 25 years later should let you know that they're really cashing in on that current hot Tremors' cash.  In the first movie it was just "Graboids" that existed in the ground.  Think Shai Huluds in middle America.  I didn't keep up with the films or lore but apparently there are multiple types now including one that shoots fire out of its ass.

Speaking of fires, this fucking dumpster fire takes place in South Africa.  The monster hunter/survivalist that has apparently taken over as the main character for these films comes there after a poacher tricks him into thinking he's from some wildlife organization.  Jaime Kennedy (who I don't really have anything against, but whatever) is a professional douche bag/side kick during this too.

I didn't care about Tremors in 1990.  I won't care about Tremors X in 2090.  This franchise needs to die and stay dead.  I don't even know who the audience was for this movie.  Is it for people that only buy movies from the $5 bin at Wal-Mart?  Because if that's the case then fucking score for you.  The really sad thing is that this movie has decent acting and better than average CGI.  I hope all of these people got paid well, because I shop in that $5 bin a lot and I wouldn't buy this shit.

I give Tremors 5: Bloodlines 0 Shai Hulud out of 5:

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