Sunday, November 12, 2017

13 Cameras (a.k.a. Slumlord) (2015) 1h 27m

When you're on tour with a band you spend a lot of time creating jokes, voices, whatever to pass the time in the van.  Years ago I was on tour with a band I was in and someone created a gravel voiced landlord that made creepy statements about how good the shower is and that there may be cameras in the house to watch the person being the role of the renter.  Back then it was creepy and hilarious to the nine of us in a van (yes, the band had a lot of people in it).  This film takes anything we ever joked about to a whole new level.  It made me feel filthy just for watching it!

In 13 Cameras we have the above pictured creeper, looking like Alton Brown and Malcolm McDowell had a child that just gave the fuck up, renting a house out to a young couple.  The home is outfitted with tons of fiber optic cameras and a tiny basement the landlord originally says is an "owner's closet."  This movie is essentially every single person's fear if you live in a rental property, plus some needless character personal drama.

Neville Archambault as the landlord fucking kills it.  He never blinks.  His presence makes not only the people on screen but the viewer feel uncomfortable with the social interactions.  Early on they establish a grotesque smell about him and just his movement and visual presence conjures up that smell in your head.  Everyone else in this movie I don't really give a shit about.  The husband is having an affair with his assistant which really only exists so the landlord has a reason to sneak into the house and make the basement a "prisoner" area.

This film gave me chills.  Honestly.  At some point in your life you've dealt with an individual similar to this and it was not a pleasant moment.  Then to see him put cameras in toilets and showers and just ewwwwwgghhhhh!  I can't.  I just cringed while typing about this.

I give 13 Cameras 3.5 Creepers from Minecraft out of 5:

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